A Tribute For Michael From Anji

You Are There

Dear Michael,

Hello, It's me, I can't sleep, It's almost three...

I miss you.

Ever Since the day you died I have been searching for signs of you, especially in the clouds. As I cruise down the highway on bright sunny days, I notice the clouds, how beautiful, how perfect.

Funny, I never noticed little things like that before.

Now, I look up, hoping to see you, anything that would remind me of you, anything at all, but sadly, since June 25th I have seen nothing.

Though I feel your presence when I think of you, I pray for a sign that you are ok, that you are happy, at peace... Now, two months since you passed away, I had yet to see traces of you, I feel you when the wind blows, I hear you when the birds sing, but I don't see you...

On September 3rd, the day of your burial, I felt a pain I hadn't felt since the day you were taken from us. I guess it became real, final... You are no longer here, with us...

Now, as I lay in bed, unable to sleep, thoughts of you are running through my head. The pain I had been feeling is different now, it is slowly transforming into an odd since of comfort. Now I know, that you are finally able to rest, it is over, now you are at peace, you are free.

Today is September 5th, I lay here in the early hours of the morning with a smile on my face. It is after three now and I have got the words that I type now flowing through my mind. As I stumble out of bed, grabbing for paper and a pen, my insomnia drew me to a window as I noticed the moonlight pouring in. I sat down, I could see the clouds as they slowly passed by the moon, it was beautiful.

Suddenly, I saw a familiar face, it was you! You had finally appeared. It was so quick yet the clouds crept along so slowly... Its funny, this time I wasn't even looking for you, but there you were, the face that we have all come to love and recognize in recent years topped with what looked to be the brim of a hat, it was your hat, it topped off your image at a perfect slant. You were there, but you were slipping away, the unstoppable pace was distorting your image, an image I have waited so long to see...

Your tiny nose spread, your face widened, but it was still you. It was an image of you from decades past, from happier times. Then, as fast as you had appeared, you were gone, as was my smile. I closed my eyes to rest them, when they opened, I saw what looked to be a heart taking shape, it was a sloppy heart but it was a heart none the less...

My smile returned, I looked to the right and I saw Mickey Mouse ears as my smile turned into a chuckle. I was beginning to think I was becoming delirious. I looked to the left and what I saw next confirmed that it was you, it looked like two fingers descending from a cluster which looked like a fist. It was your peace sign. It was then, that I knew it was not just my sleep deprived eyes playing tricks on me. Meh, so what if it was, I finally saw you, I don't care how it happened.

I smiled one last sleepy smile as I began scribbling down my sightings. The words you are reading now flowed onto the paper as I sat by the moonlight. I looked up one last time, and I swear I saw Jesus, it took my breath away. It was at that moment when I knew you were with him, when I knew you were surrounded by tranquillity and pure happiness.

I guess I had been looking for you in the wrong places, at the wrong times... I should have known you would appear by moonlight, you were always a night owl, whether it was by choice or because you suffered from your own insomnia... Or both... Although, the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that my sleepy sightings mean that you are now content, you are at peace, at last, as just hours ago you were finally laid to rest.

Anyway, I guess I should go back to sleep. But wait, look at that, the clouds have completely over taken the moon, and now, its gone, along with my pain.

I am so happy to know that you are there, I love you. Now you can finally rest in peace.

Love, Angela

4:00 am